Tags: big bang

Random mutterings and house news

The latest on the house is that the landlord has to give us longer than two weeks notice before he knocks down half the house. He wants to remove the extension, which includes my room, the lounge, the utility room, two conservatories and the porch, leaving us with something that would never be big enough to live in for us. We've collected so much crap over the years that we need more space than that. He also wants to get rid of the shed, the garage and the pond (the pond I'm really annoyed about because there's a family of newts in there that are doing really well). That will leave us with a 'two' bedroom bungalow about the size of a doll's house. I'd probably be plunked into the dining room, which is smaller than my room now so I don't actually think my furniture would fit; all the lounge furniture would have to go into the spare room which is a lot smaller than the lounge now; and we wouldn't have a washing machine as the only plumbing space is in one of the conservatories that he wants to knock down.

Thankfully Mum has decided the best plan of action is to look for somewhere else even if we do get some extra time to get sorted. There's no way we'd fit into what was left of the house. The extension isn't that well built but it gives us the space we need for a comfortable family home. If I was to move into the dining room I'd have to get rid of half the furniture I just bought to give me more storage space as I didn't have enough. The room itself is only just big enough for the dining room table and one storage thingy so trying to fit in a bed and bedroom furniture would be like playing tetris. I probably wouldn't actually be able to walk through the room by the time I'd got everything in. Then we'd have to find somewhere to put the dining table.

I am glad Mum decided to make the decision to move, even though moving itself is so stressful. It just feels like the right time for me now that I've had time to think about it. Something about the timing and how what my daily tarot cards have been make me think this is going to be good for me. I know it will be good for me if we find an actual house rather than a bungalow. The last two places we've been in have been bungalows and I think the time living in them have been the worst in my life. At least if we have an upstairs I won't have to listen to Aaron all the time.

Right now I'm still waiting for boxes as I don't have any. Then I'll have to pack everything up. At least I have my netbook and I can keep the Gamecube out as it has it own bag to travel in. Everything else will have to be packed up ready for whenever they find somewhere for us to go. There were a couple of nice places in the paper yesterday so we might even be out by the end of next week. It's all happened so fast that I'm still sort of dazed. However we have been through this before in the bungalow before this one so I know it's something we're capable of coping with.

In my 'family' we pull together in times of crisis and then when the crisis ends everything goes back to normal. That's what happened last week when Aaron was in Malta and it's what's going to happen now. I kinda like it when we're having a crisis because it means I get some freedom. Sometimes I wonder if I cause these crisises by wanting some freedom or whether it's just fate.

Moving should also be good for my spiritual work. I'm hoping we might be able to go back to the house I felt most comfortable in but I don't think it's going to happen (Saxon Close). We lived there when I first started studying witchcraft and it always felt like the house was welcoming my studies. That was the house where I had my first spiritual crisis and decided to become a Christian (which lasted about two months before I realised where my heart lay). Sometimes I think that crisis has something to do with my wonders about whether there really is some creative being out there who planned everything or not. I think the Big Bang might have been said creative being trying out some chemistry experiments.

When I think about the Big Bang I wonder if there were multiple Bangs that could have created parallel universes. I wonder what my parallel Kayleigh's would be doing. One Kayleigh is probably still living with Mum and Trevor so I feel very sorry for her, especially as she never met the lovely James; another is living in Berkshire with Mum and Aaron, still missing the lovely James; while a third is probably still living in Saxon Close and has met James (I kinda wish I was her but then there may have been other things that happened to her).

In times of stress I seem to get like this. It makes me wonder what things would be like if these crisises didn't happen and how different decisions would change the way life goes. Whenever I make a decision I try to go with the flow, then look back and wonder how things would have been different if I hadn't made the decision. If I hadn't of decided to go to college rather than staying at sixth form (I hated school so why would I spend another two years there?) then I wouldn't have met James. What would life have been like without James? Sad and lonely or would I have got with someone else?

I wish I could go back and see how different decisions do affect things.