Tags: books

Random stuff

Nan thinks I should get rid of some of my books.I don't understand why she thinks this. I've spent a lot of money and time on gathering my collection of books so why would I want to get rid of any of them. Yes they take up a lot of space in my room but to be absolutely honest I'm not bothered that I have piles of books everywhere in my room. I would prefer it of they were on a bookcase – there just isn't any space for another bookcase in this room. Yes there's a lot of them but that's because I want to have a lot of books. Books make me happy. If I'm not reading a book then I'm trying to write one. Why is it that I have so many people around me that don't understand why I want to have so many books and why I keep buying them? It's not like reading a book is the end of owning a book. There's the strange joy of putting them into an order, my order is books I love most to books I don't like quite so much. I have put some books into 'storage' (which is three boxes of books currently in the spare room) and it's really irritating because I've put some of the books I now want to read into those boxes. Then there's rereading the whole series when a new book comes out. I feel the need to get to know all the characters again because they become friends in a way. Then of course there's the 'getting attached' to characters that happens quite often with me. I'm the girl that will sit there sobbing my hurt out if something happens to one of my favourite characters (such as Kisten in Kim Harrison's books) or laughing at one of my favourite characters doing something especially funny (such as Silk in David and Leigh Eddings' Belgariad and Mallorean). They all mean something to me even if they don't actually exist.

Maybe that's why I have so much trouble with real life. Can anyone think of an illness caused by reading too many books? Suffering from bookwormitis? Being allergic to people who aren't technically made of paper? Lol.

I'm sitting here right now staring at the books around my room, wondering why there are such people as non-readers. I've been reading ever since I was a child and I remember reading every book that my school owned by the time I turned eight. That was the only reason I was glad to leave my old school – I got to read new books. Now I read at the speed of light and find that I can't put a book down once I've started it. I'll promise myself I'll just read a couple of chapters and the next thing I know I've read the whole books. It's really irritating.

James took me to the scrap yard today. We go there quite often because the car is twenty years old and has a habit of falling apart on a regular basis. Thankfully James is a very good mechanic. Between us we even replaced the gearbox. His dad wants him to get rid of his car and get a new one. I think it's because he wants his other son, James' older brother Kevin, to have a car and wants James to give Kevin our Volkswagen Golf so he doesn't have to buy a car. I've told James that we're not giving Kevin the Golf no matter what because the car he owns is still in Russia because he can't drive yet and I don't want the car that James loves so much stuck in the middle of nowhere. We'll probably going to turn it into our project car and make it into a GTi.

Over the last few days I've found my writing abilities have come back. I was going to write some short stories to post on LJ but I seem incapable of writing a short story. I had a really good idea for a short story that turned into a novel in the space of about ten minutes. It would be nice to write a short story but I need a subject and a word limit. If anyone has any ideas they'd like me to write the send them to me with a word limit and I'll see what I can do. I'm probably going to post my first chapters on LJ just to see what people think of my characters and storylines because if some people like them then hopefully a publisher somewhere will.

I've got to focus on my letter writing for a while. I'm going to try to write two letters a day until I've caught up because I've been a really bad penpal recently. Writing letters has been really difficult recently, unless I've really cared about the person I was writing to. There are a few of those so I've managed to keep up with them but there are a whole group of people I just don't really connect with and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I'm thinking of getting hold of some anime to watch but I have no idea what I'm looking for. If anyone had any recommendations for me let me know. I'm thinking of starting to hire some DVDs because there are films I want to see but don't want to buy the DVD. I never should have bought Twilight. All I did was sit there and complain about how bad the film was so I don't want to do that with other films. If I like the films I watch I may buy them but I have a habit of watching a film once and then losing all interest.

On a random note Eric from the Sookie Stackhouse novels was in my dream last night. I haven't read the books in ages so it was weird but I think it comes from thinking about the novel where Eric looses his memory. I really want Eric and Sookie to get together properly at some point – Bill always irritated me for some reason.

I've stopped doing my tarot card of the day thing while I'm ill. I don't think that I have as good a connection with them when I'm ill and I don't really want to sneeze on them. I'm not sure if I'm going to take it up when I'm better – please be soon – or after we've moved house. If we take forever to move then I'll probably start again before we move. I'm after some new decks but I don't want to buy any more because I do have quite a few of them. It would be nice to have some sort of computer program with lots of decks on so I can do readings on my netbook. I don't know how well that would work but I like the idea.

Oh, and Aaron's home. I think I mentioned him being at work and that he should be gone for two months. I should have known better than to open my big mouth. On Friday he was told that he was no longer needed (long story behind that) so he's home again now. It's really very annoying but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he either finds another job soon or that we'll find a nice two storey house to live in so I won't have to put up with his abuse any more.

Me again

I'm not very happy this morning. Aaron didn't take Mum to work so I haven't had a cup of tea or breakfast yet. My throat is quite painful but that's not going to stop me from singing along with my music. It's weird how many songs I can remember the words to. I find it quite hard to sing while I'm writing though as I have two sets of words I'm trying to think of. If I was visualising something and singing I'd be ok.

Part of James' anniversary present came today. He may get the rest of it late because it hasn't been dispatched yet but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. I'm glad he has no interest in staring a blog online – he only has Facebook because I made his profile for him – as I can write about what I bought him. The bit that came today is a SNES. He had one before but it basically got stolen (he lent it to someone about seven years ago and never got it back) so I've replaced it for him. I'm like that. The last bit is a couple of tiger canvasses. He loves tigers, especially Siberian tigers, so I like to buy him things with tigers on. I think it's very possible that the tiger is his totem.

He woke up this morning without my help. At about five minutes past 8 he pranked me, which meant he was awake. I think he may have taken what I said yesterday into consideration but I'll have to wait and see. I'm hoping he'll be over later to give me a lift to Nan's so I can have a shower. The shampoo I used when I had a bath, one that I've never used before, hasn't been very good for my stupidly tempremental scalp so I need to wash it with my normal shampoo.

Before that I'm going to try to write a couple of letters and I have other things to post. I have a couple of books to send back and a book to post to someone as I'm on GreenMetropolis. GreenMetropolis is a site where you sell books you no longer want on. The only books I can sell are books that I didn't really enjoy when I read them because I never get rid of a book I enjoyed. That's why I have so many of them and could really do with another couple of bookcases.

At the moment I have a huge pile of books that I need to read and I've got a few more on the way. I do this: I get stages where I buy lots of books on different subjects (all of which have something to do either with witchcraft or with bettering the self) but I don't really have the time to read them so they collect up. It's quite irritating as I want to read the books but I know I should be writing. I'm not the sort of person who can read a chapter and then put a book down. If I'm interested in the book then I have to read it all the way through when I first read it. It irritates me because I keep promising myself that I'll read the next book slowly but I never do. I get totally engrossed and by the time I realise what I've done I've read the whole book.

Today I'm planning on doing some story writing too. I'm going to work on a couple of short stories first then go back to my novels. There are two that I'm working on at the moment but I have a lot more that I want to write. When I'm happy with them I may try to get them published. I don't know though. I always worry that my work isn't good enough, that my characters aren't interesting enough and that I write awful storylines. My old English teacher told me that I was good enough to get published so I think that's probably my perfectionist side telling me I'm not good enough. That's why I want to post the short stories here as getting feedback on how good my writing is will be very helpful.

Now I'm going to open the package that came so I can hide James' anniversary present until Friday and then do some work.


Today is the first day of writing LiveJournal updates on my netbook so I can put them on LiveJournal at a later date. It's kinda cool because I love my netbook (it's a shiny black Toshiba, although the shiny isn't so good as I can't keep it clean) and I don't feel like I've been using it enough for the reason it was actually bought for. So far I've spent most of my time playing solitaire rather than doing any writing at all, even though I bought it so I can write in bed while watching telly. I hate always having to turn the telly round so I can watch it while I'm sitting at the desk. It's not like I even really watch it while I'm writing anyway – it's just in the background and I pay no attention to it most of the time. The rest of the time I watch it rather than writing which isn't good. I prefer listening to music as I can listen to the words without being drawn into a storyline.

So the plan is to write some short stories based around my main novels and maybe post them here if anyone is interested. If no-one is interested I'll probably post one up anyway and see if I get any feedback, then decide whether to go on with it. I may put it under a filter so people who have no interest in reading my awful writing don't have to. Then those who are interested can be added to the filter. It might help me get somewhere with the one novel I really want to get written. If anyone is interested in reading my stories let me know. I may even have a couple done if I can't get on the net for a while. It's also possible I may have written nothing at all.

Writing is the only thing I've ever really wanted to do as a career. I've never been one of these nine to five people – I like being able to work when I feel I can and not work on the days when I'm feeling awful, especially as those days can be pretty regular at the moment. I think that James understand my need to focus on my writing for a couple of years but no-one else in my family seems to. Mum's never really told me her opinion, but then she lives in a bubble most of the time, and Nan thinks I should have some sort of job right now, which I understand, but there are some days when I don't even feel able to get dressed.

That makes me seem like I'm out for sympathy when I'm not. I've never been diagnosed with any problems so it's not as though I have a medical reason for not feeling up to doing stuff. I sometimes wonder if I have some form of depression but I spent so much time in the doctor's surgery when I was a child, mostly because I suffered from stress related rashes, that I absolutely hate going now as I always feel like I'm wasting their time. I guess that what I'm feeling now is probably due to stress so I'm just going to see what happens when I finally move into a less stressful atmosphere for good.

Of course that's unlikely to happen anytime soon. Being unemployed isn't very good when it comes to moving out. James is applying to join the RAF so hopefully something will happen with that sometime soon (he sent his medical records off a couple of weeks ago because he has an enlarged vertabrae in his neck) but then he'll probably be in training for six months as he wants to be a pilot if he gets in. Then if things work out we'll get a place together. We have lived together before so it can work even though he hates me being so untidy. I can understand that because I hate being untidy but it seems that I just can't keep my stuff tidy no matter how hard I try.

I don't think it helps that I keep buying books. I swear it's an addiction. There's just something about opening a new, or second hand, book that makes me feel happy, especially if it's a book in one of the many series' I collect. Being a part of something that isn't my life makes me feel better a lot of the time. I just hate it when the book ends. I can't tell what's worse – a cliffhanger or the end of a series. I also hate it when the story doesn't go the way I want it to. I think both of those things are part of the reason I want to write. Writing my own books will mean I can make things go the way I want them to and as the characters were created in my head their story will never really end.

More facebookiness

Well it's the autumn equinox today so I've decided today is a good day to set some goals for the rest of the year and just generally write about what I've been up to recently.

I've spent the last few months in a bit of a bubble. I'm not worried about my bubbleness really - I've made some friends through penpalling that I hope will be better friends than some people I've been friends with over the years and it's given me a chance to do some thinking. I've also got lots of reading done which is always a good thing.

I know I need some form of job at some point but I just don't think I'm going to get one right now. It's not that I don't want one - there just aren't any around. So I've made the decision to spend the next few months writing so I'll have three (hopefully) completed first drafts by December. That is if I actually focus on the writing rather than making sure everything is perfect first time round. Either that or I'll end up with two second draft because my mind is very focused on my pagan sci-fi novel and also my werewolf novel, which wasn't something I was planning on working on right now. If I do get anything finished to a standard I'm happy with I may post them somewhere, but I'm not sure. It depends on how I feel.

Today I sent off for the prospectus for the University of London's external courses. I'm pretty sure what I'm going to do though. It's a management and law degree. Nan seems to think my law degree is so I can go into law as a back-up but it's more because I like law. It's so interesting. I sent off for some books too, that I may need for my course if I decide to definitely go for it. I'm getting a couple on jurispudence and then a couple on the psychological aspects of management. It's all very cool really.

I'm still working my way through the first 20 Discworld books (and waiting for Reaper Man to turn up). That's fun. I like the Discworld. There is other stuff I want to read too but Discworld comes first. It's not like I haven't read the others at least seven times already.

Then there's my other books. I've got books on Hecate, Bast and Sekhmut, sensual aromatherapy, the creation of sacred space, shamanism, and all sorts of other stuff that I need to ready properly rather than flick though. I've also got a whole bunch of cards I need to start working with (anyone interested in what will be a very rubbish reading so I can start to connect to my oracle and tarot cards?)

I've also got to sort my room out again. What with things arriving through the post I have a lot of rubbish in front of my wardrobe so I can't actually get in it and there's books everywhere. I really need another few book cases but I really don't have the room for them so I shall have to find some other way of storing them. When I'm rich I'm going to have a library.

Apart from that there's not really a lot for me to do. Just listen to Aaron complain about me and generally waffle. I like to waffle.

I've just realised I haven't mentioned James once. There must be something wrong with me.

Facebook for the nth time

Why is it I want so much that I can’t actually have?

First: I want James with me permanently. I blame the damn recession for the fact I can’t. If we could have both got jobs through the last year, as was the plan, we’d have probably already been living together. It’s depressing. We always seem better off when we’re living together – which means we don’t argue as much about pointless crap and I get to have lots of cuddles.

Second: I want the chance to spend time with a sober Mum without the evil him being around. I’m so fed up of her opening a bottle of wine the minute she gets home from work and spending the whole evening/night in the lounge with him. It would be nice to have a chat with her without her getting argumentative when I say something she doesn’t like, like last night.

Third: I want to finish the novels I’m writing. I know I’m capable of it when I put my mind to it… I can write 10,000 words a day if I put my mind to it. It just seems like something always gets in the way. One morning I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept for a week, then the next day James is over, and then the next I feel like absolute crap. Normally that’s a headache and it’s not a good idea to stare at a computer screen with a headache. It usually turns into a migraine. I blame the summer – bring on the autumn and the return of my brain, my sleeping pattern, and colder weather which will mean no more headaches.

Fourth: I want to get lots of books and decks of tarot cards I can’t afford right now. I am hoping for money (anyone fancy giving me £200) for my birthday so I can get the things I want. It makes me feel like a total hypocrite though. I complain that the world is too materialistic and then all I want to do is buy stuff that I don’t really have any space for.

Fifth: I want the chance to do what I want when I want. This is also connected to moving out and being with James. For the last ten years (almost) of studying I haven’t been able to do as much as I want to, which includes meditation and spells, so my dream is to have a house where I can be myself. If I want to do a spell then I can, without worrying about someone walking in or someone slamming a door and making me jump at a bad time. It’s happened so many times when I’ve had a deck of tarot cards in my hand that I don’t dare do anything else. I’d probably end up setting fire to the house or sprinkling herbs everywhere.

Damn it all. Why is it that things haven’t worked out the way I wanted them to? If it had anything to do with me I’d have moved out by now (I had planned to be out of this evil house by 18… then I met James and things happened that neither of us expected); I’d be published as of last year; and being published would mean that I could buy what I want.

Oh well…