Tags: tarot

Random stuff

Nan thinks I should get rid of some of my books.I don't understand why she thinks this. I've spent a lot of money and time on gathering my collection of books so why would I want to get rid of any of them. Yes they take up a lot of space in my room but to be absolutely honest I'm not bothered that I have piles of books everywhere in my room. I would prefer it of they were on a bookcase – there just isn't any space for another bookcase in this room. Yes there's a lot of them but that's because I want to have a lot of books. Books make me happy. If I'm not reading a book then I'm trying to write one. Why is it that I have so many people around me that don't understand why I want to have so many books and why I keep buying them? It's not like reading a book is the end of owning a book. There's the strange joy of putting them into an order, my order is books I love most to books I don't like quite so much. I have put some books into 'storage' (which is three boxes of books currently in the spare room) and it's really irritating because I've put some of the books I now want to read into those boxes. Then there's rereading the whole series when a new book comes out. I feel the need to get to know all the characters again because they become friends in a way. Then of course there's the 'getting attached' to characters that happens quite often with me. I'm the girl that will sit there sobbing my hurt out if something happens to one of my favourite characters (such as Kisten in Kim Harrison's books) or laughing at one of my favourite characters doing something especially funny (such as Silk in David and Leigh Eddings' Belgariad and Mallorean). They all mean something to me even if they don't actually exist.

Maybe that's why I have so much trouble with real life. Can anyone think of an illness caused by reading too many books? Suffering from bookwormitis? Being allergic to people who aren't technically made of paper? Lol.

I'm sitting here right now staring at the books around my room, wondering why there are such people as non-readers. I've been reading ever since I was a child and I remember reading every book that my school owned by the time I turned eight. That was the only reason I was glad to leave my old school – I got to read new books. Now I read at the speed of light and find that I can't put a book down once I've started it. I'll promise myself I'll just read a couple of chapters and the next thing I know I've read the whole books. It's really irritating.

James took me to the scrap yard today. We go there quite often because the car is twenty years old and has a habit of falling apart on a regular basis. Thankfully James is a very good mechanic. Between us we even replaced the gearbox. His dad wants him to get rid of his car and get a new one. I think it's because he wants his other son, James' older brother Kevin, to have a car and wants James to give Kevin our Volkswagen Golf so he doesn't have to buy a car. I've told James that we're not giving Kevin the Golf no matter what because the car he owns is still in Russia because he can't drive yet and I don't want the car that James loves so much stuck in the middle of nowhere. We'll probably going to turn it into our project car and make it into a GTi.

Over the last few days I've found my writing abilities have come back. I was going to write some short stories to post on LJ but I seem incapable of writing a short story. I had a really good idea for a short story that turned into a novel in the space of about ten minutes. It would be nice to write a short story but I need a subject and a word limit. If anyone has any ideas they'd like me to write the send them to me with a word limit and I'll see what I can do. I'm probably going to post my first chapters on LJ just to see what people think of my characters and storylines because if some people like them then hopefully a publisher somewhere will.

I've got to focus on my letter writing for a while. I'm going to try to write two letters a day until I've caught up because I've been a really bad penpal recently. Writing letters has been really difficult recently, unless I've really cared about the person I was writing to. There are a few of those so I've managed to keep up with them but there are a whole group of people I just don't really connect with and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I'm thinking of getting hold of some anime to watch but I have no idea what I'm looking for. If anyone had any recommendations for me let me know. I'm thinking of starting to hire some DVDs because there are films I want to see but don't want to buy the DVD. I never should have bought Twilight. All I did was sit there and complain about how bad the film was so I don't want to do that with other films. If I like the films I watch I may buy them but I have a habit of watching a film once and then losing all interest.

On a random note Eric from the Sookie Stackhouse novels was in my dream last night. I haven't read the books in ages so it was weird but I think it comes from thinking about the novel where Eric looses his memory. I really want Eric and Sookie to get together properly at some point – Bill always irritated me for some reason.

I've stopped doing my tarot card of the day thing while I'm ill. I don't think that I have as good a connection with them when I'm ill and I don't really want to sneeze on them. I'm not sure if I'm going to take it up when I'm better – please be soon – or after we've moved house. If we take forever to move then I'll probably start again before we move. I'm after some new decks but I don't want to buy any more because I do have quite a few of them. It would be nice to have some sort of computer program with lots of decks on so I can do readings on my netbook. I don't know how well that would work but I like the idea.

Oh, and Aaron's home. I think I mentioned him being at work and that he should be gone for two months. I should have known better than to open my big mouth. On Friday he was told that he was no longer needed (long story behind that) so he's home again now. It's really very annoying but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he either finds another job soon or that we'll find a nice two storey house to live in so I won't have to put up with his abuse any more.

This is amazing...

I'm actually posting twice in two days. I think the pigs may be flying outside.

Anyway this post actually has a reason - that doesn't mean I'm not going to ramble because I don't know how to stop myself most of the time. I'm going to start picking a card a day out of my favourite tarot and oracle decks to post on here. I'm hoping it will help me reconnect with the tarot because I haven't done any readings in forever. I feel bad for that, especially as I know certain of my decks are going to be very very grumpy with me (all of my decks have their own personality).

As well as that I'm thinking of posting some of my poetry and short stories. I'm not sure whether anyone will be interested though. I think it will help me focus on the things I need to do rather than wasting all my time doing absolutely nothing productive. I like being productive. I also may post some short stories I'm thinking of writing connected to my novels. Then I'll see if anyone is interested in the subject matter.

Right now I'm going to go and pick out some cards.

More facebookiness

Well it's the autumn equinox today so I've decided today is a good day to set some goals for the rest of the year and just generally write about what I've been up to recently.

I've spent the last few months in a bit of a bubble. I'm not worried about my bubbleness really - I've made some friends through penpalling that I hope will be better friends than some people I've been friends with over the years and it's given me a chance to do some thinking. I've also got lots of reading done which is always a good thing.

I know I need some form of job at some point but I just don't think I'm going to get one right now. It's not that I don't want one - there just aren't any around. So I've made the decision to spend the next few months writing so I'll have three (hopefully) completed first drafts by December. That is if I actually focus on the writing rather than making sure everything is perfect first time round. Either that or I'll end up with two second draft because my mind is very focused on my pagan sci-fi novel and also my werewolf novel, which wasn't something I was planning on working on right now. If I do get anything finished to a standard I'm happy with I may post them somewhere, but I'm not sure. It depends on how I feel.

Today I sent off for the prospectus for the University of London's external courses. I'm pretty sure what I'm going to do though. It's a management and law degree. Nan seems to think my law degree is so I can go into law as a back-up but it's more because I like law. It's so interesting. I sent off for some books too, that I may need for my course if I decide to definitely go for it. I'm getting a couple on jurispudence and then a couple on the psychological aspects of management. It's all very cool really.

I'm still working my way through the first 20 Discworld books (and waiting for Reaper Man to turn up). That's fun. I like the Discworld. There is other stuff I want to read too but Discworld comes first. It's not like I haven't read the others at least seven times already.

Then there's my other books. I've got books on Hecate, Bast and Sekhmut, sensual aromatherapy, the creation of sacred space, shamanism, and all sorts of other stuff that I need to ready properly rather than flick though. I've also got a whole bunch of cards I need to start working with (anyone interested in what will be a very rubbish reading so I can start to connect to my oracle and tarot cards?)

I've also got to sort my room out again. What with things arriving through the post I have a lot of rubbish in front of my wardrobe so I can't actually get in it and there's books everywhere. I really need another few book cases but I really don't have the room for them so I shall have to find some other way of storing them. When I'm rich I'm going to have a library.

Apart from that there's not really a lot for me to do. Just listen to Aaron complain about me and generally waffle. I like to waffle.

I've just realised I haven't mentioned James once. There must be something wrong with me.

Facebook for the nth time

Why is it I want so much that I can’t actually have?

First: I want James with me permanently. I blame the damn recession for the fact I can’t. If we could have both got jobs through the last year, as was the plan, we’d have probably already been living together. It’s depressing. We always seem better off when we’re living together – which means we don’t argue as much about pointless crap and I get to have lots of cuddles.

Second: I want the chance to spend time with a sober Mum without the evil him being around. I’m so fed up of her opening a bottle of wine the minute she gets home from work and spending the whole evening/night in the lounge with him. It would be nice to have a chat with her without her getting argumentative when I say something she doesn’t like, like last night.

Third: I want to finish the novels I’m writing. I know I’m capable of it when I put my mind to it… I can write 10,000 words a day if I put my mind to it. It just seems like something always gets in the way. One morning I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept for a week, then the next day James is over, and then the next I feel like absolute crap. Normally that’s a headache and it’s not a good idea to stare at a computer screen with a headache. It usually turns into a migraine. I blame the summer – bring on the autumn and the return of my brain, my sleeping pattern, and colder weather which will mean no more headaches.

Fourth: I want to get lots of books and decks of tarot cards I can’t afford right now. I am hoping for money (anyone fancy giving me £200) for my birthday so I can get the things I want. It makes me feel like a total hypocrite though. I complain that the world is too materialistic and then all I want to do is buy stuff that I don’t really have any space for.

Fifth: I want the chance to do what I want when I want. This is also connected to moving out and being with James. For the last ten years (almost) of studying I haven’t been able to do as much as I want to, which includes meditation and spells, so my dream is to have a house where I can be myself. If I want to do a spell then I can, without worrying about someone walking in or someone slamming a door and making me jump at a bad time. It’s happened so many times when I’ve had a deck of tarot cards in my hand that I don’t dare do anything else. I’d probably end up setting fire to the house or sprinkling herbs everywhere.

Damn it all. Why is it that things haven’t worked out the way I wanted them to? If it had anything to do with me I’d have moved out by now (I had planned to be out of this evil house by 18… then I met James and things happened that neither of us expected); I’d be published as of last year; and being published would mean that I could buy what I want.

Oh well…